It’s my day of birth.

It is the very best kind of day, because I’ve created the space and time to PAUSE.
And on this day, as I began my meditation, something different (and awesome) happened. I’ll share it, because maybe this will help you too.

I sat down to breathe. To breathe and be.

I decided to do a counting meditation that I love, from the amazing Erich Schiffmann. Normally, I close my eyes. Rest my inner gaze gently on my mind’s eye and Inhale and think of the number 50. Then, I exhale and think of the number 49. Inhale 48, exhale, 47. And so on, until 20. Then Inhale 20, Exhale 20. Inhale 19, Exhale 19. And so on, until 0. Then, just inhale (no thought), exhale (no thought). Inhale, Exhale. Inhale, Exhale. And so on. If you get lost or forget where you are, you just begin again. It’s simple. I love the immediate way it focuses and quiets my mind.

Well, today was different.

Without thinking about it, I started my counting with the number of years I’ve been here on the planet (this go around).
I took a slow breath for each year, counting backwards.

What happened was unplanned and profound.
For every year, a person or event came into my mind.

At first, I tried to move on from the thoughts and feelings and come back to my breath.

Then, as the practice teaches me to do, I stopped resisting.

I just took a breath into whatever person or event came to mind for that year of my life.

And, when someone came to mind that I perceived as challenging from my past, because maybe they were part of some pain or trauma, I just stayed with it. I wrapped my breath around that person and felt it deep into my heart.

Soon, quiet tears, peaceful tears, were easing down my face.
It felt wonderful.

There were moments (of certain years) when someone or something came to mind that surprised me. A memory I had long forgotten. I breathed into the wonder, the surprise, and felt all of it.

So many memories brought a thankful smile to my lips. Tears of pure gratitude.

The birth of my son, who came into the world and seemed to shout – YES, HELLO WORLD!
Thank you.

The birth of my daughter, that took days, and filled my hospital room with more family and friends than a circus car could hold.
Thank you.

A memory, so bright it was like sunshine, of dear friend that left us too soon.
Thank you.

And on and on, year after year.
A breath to affirm.
A breath to cleanse.
A breath to feel.
A breath of peace.
A breath of gratitude.

And, on and on…